I'm not perfect....

I would call it a slight  case of diabetes depression. Last week I got my A1c results back. I thought it might be higher because in the beginning of summer I had a week where I upper 200's for whatever reason. I also hadn't been running because of my surgery. These though are not excuses, I could have taken more initiative and made changes instead of waiting them out. The results of this was a A1c of 7.0, one of my highest ever. I have never rebelled against my diabetes or full on not taken care of it. I have to think on the positive side and remember that I have eliminated a lot of my lows which doesn't balance out that A1c as much but I am still mad. I have gotten back to my normal activity level the last couple of days and have even cut back my basal. Yesterday I ran between 70-80 most of the day but I forgot to dose for dinner and shot up to 330. I get stressed and everyone gets mad that I forgot but these things happen, I am not perfect and I make mistakes. It becomes a problem if I did this every day or if I did it on purpose. I don't and all I can do is try harder.

Back in the swing of things...

To start off with our donation drive for Joplin was a hug success! We received over $10,000 in donations that we delivered to the ADA chapter in Joplin. After we delivered the supplies I got to spend some time with Bethany who will be doing a half Ironman next year with Insulindependence. Bethany and her husband lost their house in the tornado but have handled it amazingly. I can not wait to see Bethany finish that Ironman!
A couple weeks ago I spent 9 days in California. I had an awesome time hanging out my favorite diabetics. Each one of them teaches  me lessons that I don't think they even realize. While I was out there I got to walk by the cliffs along the ocean  with Katie, go on a hike with Ashley and Katie, have dinner with the Insulindependence crew, go to Julian and the Padres game Michelle, take a tour of the largest hospital under construction in the U. S. with Ashley, and many many more things that you can view in this Video! I hate saying goodbye to them. They are the people that understand what I am going through the best. I realized the other day that a majority of the people in my life will never understand what a high or low feels like. I find this crazy since I seem to always be feeling one of those.
Two weekends ago I went to HOBY Nebraska with two of my classmates. We had an awesome time meeting representatives from schools across the state. We got to listen to some wonderful speakers. A point one of the speakers made was that if we have potential we should get ride of it. He said when he died he did not want his gravestone to read "had potential" but instead "all used up". I need to use all the God given gifts I have because not using them does no one good. The speaker went on to say that there is no point in asking why because you cant change the past, you can only better the future. I have never asked why I was given diabetes there really isn't any point. It will not take it away, and why wouldn't it be me? Instead I can better my future by using diabetes to my advantage and strive to be a role model for others. There was also an amazing video that was shown to us. Watch the whole thing :) Here is the Video
HOBY adopted my Joplin Drive as one of the service projects that we did during the weekend. In one hour we collected over $100 in cash and received more diabetes supplies as well. HOBY challenged us to do a 100 service hours by next year. In two weeks I have a little over 20 done and coming up this next week I am volunteering as an assistant for Bright Lights along with Vacation Bible School so that should give me another 30.
I am  also back to running! I did a 2 mile race last weekend that went extremely well. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I had cross country camp where we worked on technique. Then today I did a gorgeous 5k run out a Pioneers Park that got me pretty soaking wet from all of the rain.
I planted my annual garden last week which is one of my favorite activities of Summer :)

This post has been in my draft box for about a month now. I never seemed to find time to finish all of it and now the list of things to talk about keeps getting longer so I am finally going to finish this blog! Please bear with me as it may be long! :)

So yeah you know about that half marathon 4 weeks ago. The one that I was really nervous about. Yeah it didn't go quite as "good" as I thought it would. I mean I thought I would just have some bad cramping and still  finish. What happened was not something I could have ever expected. Chelsea and I were making good time. We were on pace to finish around 2:30. For some of you that is slow but for me that is pretty dang good. We were running along, got past the hills and the boring parts. We passed our friend Hannah's house where our friends were waiting for us. We stopped for a quick second. About a minute later we passed the 10k mark and in my mind I'm thinking this is my favorite part. We are on the count DOWN. This is where I pick up the pace and finish on the 50 yard line in Memorial Stadium (COOL RIGHT?!). About 20 yards past that 10k mark I knew something was wrong. My foot dropped and felt like it was being pushed down by cement. My calf muscles were rolling in my leg. I couldn't move my foot, I couldn't move my leg I knew this was bad. I was in a load of pain and it wasn't going away. I somehow fell to the ground and began screaming. Some runners stopped to help me. Chelsea went looking for help. Since we were so close to my friend Hannah's house we got in contact with them and they ran over to help. Since I couldn't move they had the ambulance come get me and take me to St. Elizabetes were they gave me pain meds and told me that I had compartment syndrome (DUH). They called one of my orthopedics and he said to go on crutches. This also meant that I get to have surgery this coming Thursday and I am NOT happy ( I actually got it 2 weeks ago) . This brings us to now. I got the surgery and have three scars on the lower part of my leg. My leg and foot were HUGE for about a week. I couldn't do the motion of walking

for quite awhile which frustrated me. They told me that I would still be on crutches till the middle of this week but Saturday I ditched them :). My perseverance worked and now I am walking normally even though my calf is still bruised and swollen. Today was also the first day that my foot didn't look like the size of Texas, it actually looks normal! No running for probably another 4 weeks! UGH ...

 Now to the exciting stuff !  Three weekends ago my parents and I went to St.George Utah to watch 10 of the Triabetes Captains in the Ironman. This weekend was amazing! We got into St. George around 3:30 after driving from Las Vegas where we flew in from (we didn't know there was a hour time difference between the two places). So we got there and got ready to eat with the captains and their triabuddies and all the family and friends that came! The dinner was filled with both happy and sad emotions. It wrapped up early so the athletes could get to bed as the next morning was going to be EARLY. I went 3 days in a row waking up around 4! This didn't mean I had to go to bed early though so I stayed up with the triabuddies and went swimming with them in the pool OUTSIDE yes it was warm outside a perfect temp none the less and I was not jealous of the weather my friends were having here in Nebraska! The parents talked while we played in the pool so it was a win win for all. The next morning we got up bright and early so that we could drive to a parking lot where there would be shuttles that would take us to the swimming portion of the Ironman. The lake that it was at was gorgeous as we saw the sun rise while we waited. The cut off for the swim was 2 hours and 20 minutes so we waited for everyone to come out of the water before we could be shuttled back. We went back to the hotel and ate lunch. While we were relaxing the athletes were biking 112 miles! Crazy! We all then got in a van and drove to the tent were we cheered on the racers as they did the full marathon run (26.2)  and passed by us 8 times! A lot of running, cheering, and clapping went on but before we saw the triabetes athletes Josiah one of the adult type 1's took 3 other kids and me up on a hike up some of the rocks that were nearby. The view was awesome and we got to see the first runners come through. We spent most of the day at the triabetes tent listening to music and cheering on the runners. At the end of the run it was hard to see the runners go through pain and start to hallucinate. I hate seeing people in pain. I found one runner siting on the side of the road oblivious as to what was going on. He was so close to the finish line but he couldn't go any farther, I stopped and gave him my glucose tabs and I think they ended up carting him to the medical tent. Only five of the triabetes captains made it to the run. Each one would come buy with people cheering them on, standing there helping them test their blood sugars, and continue running along the side with them.  Towards the end of the night when most of the fans had left and it had gotten dark I went up the course a was to a spot where nobody was. It was pitch black and I stood there in the dark cheering them on in a spot that seemed like it would suck to run through alone. I was waiting to see Brian. Brian hates running.  He had an awesome swim and bike but the run just isn't his thing. The amazing  thing is that Brian doesn't let this stop him he pushes through even when it sucks. I don't think I have ever prayed as much as I did when I was waiting for him to come by. Brian came by and he finished the Ironman with 10 minutes to spare. Everyone has to be done by midnight which gives you 17 hours to finish. The weekend was amazing and I truly learned that diabetes puts no limits on what you can achieve in life.

The next day after the Ironman we made a trip to the Hoover Dam which eventually lead



Bg at Hoover Dam!

 us the Grand Canyon (I wanted to see it and begged my parents) which we thought was a lot closer to the Hoover Dam than it was....oooppsss. The trip to the GC lead us on gravel roads through Indian reservations, there were also cows that roamed freely and would be in the middle of the street while you were going 60! It was cool to see though even if it was an hour and a half hours farther than we thought.

  

Other new developments-

School is out!  Monday and Tuesday consisted of four 90 min

ute classes each day so we could take finals, let me tell you every final I took I was using all 90 minutes! I normally have eight 45 minute classes in a day so it was a bit of a change but the day did seem to go faster. We had awards night where I received All Conference Academic Excellence, Academic Letter Award, and my National Honor Society award.

There was a time not that long ago when I thought that people that did cross country were crazy! I never ever thought I would ever do it! Well I am officially signed up to run cross country this fall and not play volleyball (GASP). This is a huge life style change. I have played volleyball since 3rd grade and have only run for like 9 months. Our CC team at our school is good they work hard and are one of the most successful sports at our school. I have decided to make this change because I see running as something I can greatly improve on and something I can do for the rest of my life. I am nervous and excited at the same time.Everyone on the team is really supportive and they seem to always be having fun. I hope I made the right decision.

There have been some huge natural disasters lately and decided I want to do something to help these people. I, schedule wise, cannot go out and personally help so after having a diabetic friend lose her house in Joplin MO I  made the decision to collect diabetes supplies and ship them to the people who need them the most. We are asking for any supplies weather it be money, batteries, testers, syringes, pump supplies, alcohol wipes, anything...

If you are interested in donating you can send items to 8111 Leighton Ave. Lincoln NE 68507... We would love and appreciate everyones help!

I am sure I have missed many things! I will keep you posted on my activities as summer gets into full swing!

Thanks for reading ~ Ash



Picture I took while leaving the GC...Pretty Gorgeous!



Diaversary and a new diagnosis...it is my time of the year!

For most people April is a happy month filled with the excitement of spring and a fresh start for years mine has been something quite contrary. It all began on April 29th 2004 ( yes I am writing about my diaversary early) when I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. In April of 2006 I had my tonsils taken out. In April 2007 was when I trashed out my knee and had my femoral-patellar tendon reconstruction. Skip a few years..... Now yet another! Which I will talk about later. It was funny when my mom and I went through and noticed this trend how crazy!

#1. 7 years WOW! To me it seems like yesterday and yet at the same tine 100 years ago. I observe, learn from, and question everything that happens in my life. Weird I know! It's something that I don't share with people normally. I just make mental notes of things and kind of go "oh that's interesting", but for this special occasion I thought I would share what I have observed, learned, and questioned about this disease that has affected my life so drastically. What have I learned and observed? Well to start off with I learned everything about what type one diabetes is (duhhh). I have learned that a common challenge or adversity can bring people of all locations (shout out to all my diabetics in California, Maryland, Michigan, Kansas, Minnesota, Florida, Colorado, Indiana, Missouri, Iowa, Washington D.C., Arizona, Hawaii and Washington...I am so lucky to know all of you!), personalities, races, sexes, and backgrounds together to become each others support system and even friends!  My Facebook "friend" list proves this fact. I remember talking at camp about what we all liked about diabetes camp. One of my friends responded with "I would have never expected to be friends with these people around me but I feel that my diabetes has opened up my eyes to being non judgmental about others because really we are all the same. We go through the same difficulties and struggles everyday and the rest doesn't really matter. We are a family." Second observation is that everything in life will work out in the end. If it doesn't seem like that things aren't working out then it isn't a over yet. Three, you are stronger than you think.  Four, accept the help of others. Five, you can do anything with the help of God for he will never give you more than you can handle if you put your trust in him. Six, I am learning everyday new reasons and purposes on why God blessed me with diabetes. Seven, you get out of life what you put into it! Seven perfect. Now the things I question. One, does God want us to really find a cure? Two, what would my life be like without diabetes? Three, how can people not control this disease and try to ignore it? Four, What caused my diabetes? Five, What will my future with diabetes be?
Next the question I get asked the most about...Aren't you afraid of dead in bed? My answer: I am not. I now know three people who have had this as their ending. I am not afraid of this because I know that EVERYTHING in my life is a part of God's plan. My diabetes-part of his plan. My future-part of his plan. I know the day I go to be with my father in heaven will be the best day of my life. That will be the day I will be free from pain, free from stress, free from diabetes. Don't let this scare you I'm not planning on this happening. I stay up some nights until 12 or 1 o'clock in the morning treating those low blood sugars refusing to go to bed anywhere close to low. Yes I know that we don't know the exact cause of it but this is my theory.
I asked the researcher that I followed around last week a question. I knew the answer too a long time ago but I felt that I needed to be sure of it. We were on the topic of Cure. I looked her dead in the eye and said "I will never be cured of diabetes will I?". She hesitated for a moment and confidently answered me back and said "I am nearly certain you will not". I had to hold back the tears at that time trying not to let them out so that she wouldn't feel bad for giving me the truth, but now that I sit her and write this I am crying. Why? I can't really answer that. I feel that a cure was something that was always promised to me. Doing the JDRF walks year after year reviving the excitement and hope for a cure. I have realized that's never going to be something that I will experience. I have and still will raise money for JDRF though because I know that if a cure is possible it will prevent diabetes from ever giving someone a diagnosis date. I don't want my friends or children to ever go through what I have.
Way up in the top part I talked about how April is my problematic month. On April 27, 2011 I was diagnosed with chronic exertion compartment syndrome. I am nearly positive that my first signs were in Carlsbad or a little before when I was experiencing cramping when I ran. Since then the pain has gotten worse and stays with me well after I run. It got to the point where my calf swelled up and wouldn't come down so my athletic trainer sent me to orthopedic and I got my diagnosis. I ran like 2 miles 4 hours ago and my calf feels like it is being squeezed together and about to explode haha... all joking aside it has made me pretty bumbed because it is another obstacle that I have to face. One more problem to deal with. And most likely another surgery to have. Yeah the sucky part is that the only treatment is surgery. It is not urgent nor life threatening but something that if I want to keep doing halfs will most likely have to be done. So yet another scar to add to my leg already filled with three from my knee surgery, I didn't care then about the scars but this one will be along the outer part of my leg and I'm def not to thrilled about how noticeable it will be but that is if I decide to get surgery (the half this weekend will most likely determine this). So we handle it just like we have handled all the ones before... We face it, Deal with it, and move on...

Thanks Diabetes for our seven years together it has been a wild ride :) can't wait to see what the future brings!
love~ ashlee

A Breath



My friend Zach wanted to be on my blog so we took a picture with our blue sheets (what we fill out when we are going to miss school) for the National Qualifier and Youth Leadership Lincoln which for the both of those we missed Monday and Tuesday.



Wow what a week it has been! It all started last Friday when my club volleyball team and I headed down to Kansas City to play in the Show Me National Qualifier. We had a lot of fun and I will miss my coaches and team as the season has wrapped up. I cant believe club started 5 months ago. It is possible that I may never play volleyball again but we will see what the future holds. We played three games Saturday, three games Sunday and one on Monday then we headed home.

Tuesday I had Youth Leadership Lincoln all day and our focus was on community non profit services such as the Lighthouse, The Arc, and Clinic With a Heart. All these are wonderful organizations and have each had a huge impact on our community. I met a philanthropist who is a volunteer that fundraises money for various groups. As he talked about his projects one being raising 1 million dollars to bring the Special Olympics to Lincoln he also mentioned how felt one day that he should do something for JDRF so he signed up to do the walk independently. After the walk he wanted to know what the most a single person had raised for JDRF and if I recall it was something like $6,000 he wanted to set a new record and raised over $22,000 just because he felt like it. haha. Amazing! He now has an award named after him that is given to the highest individual raiser in the Lincoln JDRF Chapter. 

Wednesday I went out running in my neighborhood and met a nice man. He asked me how old I was and I said 16 (for those of you flipping out right now that I was talking to a total stranger...It isn't that uncommon here and I was totally safe) he was probably young 30's. I am really bad at guessing ages. Anyways he told me about how when he was my age he could do 5 minute miles and now he was required to work out cause he is in the military. He said that he wished he would have kept exercising like he did when he was my age so that he would have it a little easier now. I hope I still have the will power to get out and run when I am his age. Around this time it hit me that I have my 3rd half marathon the 1st of the month. SCARY! I feel that I have been more focused on volleyball than running. But we cant go back so I am going to face this one the best I can. The one thing that scares me most about running here in Lincoln is that I know how far things are and its scary when we drive out the course cause it seems to be so lonnnngggg. This is something that I haven't faced with my other halfs since they were in places I didn't know anything about so everything was new. Please pray for me this week that this half goes well :)

Thursday. Well Thursday was the day we left to go to Iowa city for my endocrinologist appointment. Before we left though I got a letter in the mail that said I had been accepted into National Honor Society. So that was exciting. We left for Iowa City around 5 and got there at 9:30 ish so a good long boring drive that provided me with some much needed sleep. Friday we got up and went to my doctors appointment at the University of Iowa. Nothing special happened they said I had a good A1c and that was about it. The best part of the day was when I got to follow around one of my doctors research partners. She was doing research on what causes birth defects in people with diabetes children. What was being transferred through the placenta was it the glucose, amino acids ect.  She had found that it was the glucose and she made rats pregnant and since they have two different ovaries that their babies grow in they also have two different blood supplies going to each ovary. So on one side she would infuse glucose and make its bloodsugar 400 and it would not transfer to the babies on the other side which is fascinating. This allowed them to see what caused the birth defects. The next step is for her to test her theory on how to prevent this which happens to be taking fish oils and seeing if this has an affect on stopping the birth defects. This was much more in depth and a lot more fascinating when she explained it but what they are doing in the research lab was amazing. This was only one little experiment in my doctors lab with about 6 more going on in his. Along with his lab there were about 3 more doctors with there own labs all doing research on DIABETES. I could go on and on about different studies that they were doing but like this one it would probably bore you. The doctor I shadowed showed me some other very cool things that I don't think most are allowed to see. She was also a NICU doc and took me up to the level 3 NICU. The babies there were the size of my hand and I was allowed in to see one of the little boys who was born so early that most hospitals wouldn't have tried to save him. When you see pictures of babies in the NICU you say oh they are tiny but when you see them in real life its incredible how small they are. I started to tear up a little. Right after we walked out of the room we found out that he was getting open heart surgery done. I think this was God's calling to me that I may work as a nurse practitioner in the NICU. I also received a letter in the mail that I had been selected to attend a 10 day camp at John Hopkins next summer the price was a little much but still awesome that I was nominated by someone.

If you survived this atrociously long and somewhat boring blog props to you :)

How crazy is it that something that is 6 inches long and made out of tissue could change my life so drastically. I was thinking about that the other day. I mean really! This thing called my pancreas that doesn't work has brought me to meet some of the most amazing and inspirational people in the world, because of it I have ran half marathons, climbed mountains all of these things just because of my pancreas. Crazy huh!
In less than a month I will be heading to St.George Utah to watch some of those amazing people whose pancreases happen to not work either doing one of the hardest things in the world. They are doing Ironman St. George. Their stories are incredible. I cant wait to watch and cheer them on.
A week before St. George I will be doing my 3rd (which happens to be my favorite number) half marathon here in Lincoln and a month later I will be hopefully conquering my 4th in San Diego!
The weather here in good old Lincoln has been absolutely wonderful. I love all the runners that are outside! I love the gorgeous skies with golden sunsets and fluffy white clouds! I love how everyone seems to be happier! I love how we can open our windows and let the breeze flow through the house! I love it all!
This Friday we leave for kansas city where my club volleyball team will be playing in a national qualifier for 3 days! We are all very excited and cant wait to run through the fountains in down town. Ill keep you all posted on how it goes :)

Salvador de Vidas

Nothing new or exciting in my life. I have noticed how much changes when you hit the age I'm at. I have to schedule my own life, make my own decisions, relationships with people change, and other things in your life start to become more important than others. I have been pretty busy lately with running, I ran in a 5K race yesterday with my friend Chelsea. She is naturally a runner and I about died running with her, but we finished with snow falling around us. Today I got a new best friend today he or she I'm not sure with one yet is awesome they listen to me even when I'm wrong. They guard me and warn me of danger. They are always attached to me and never leave my side. I love my new friend its name is Salvador de Vidas which in English means life saver.If you haven't guessed yet i got a new pump and for the first time in like ever I gave it a name and I love it. This week I have another Youth Leadership Lincoln  meeting. Every meeting students are assigned presenters to introduce. I found out I get to introduce Chief of Police Tom Casady. He is a very nice person and I am happy to get to introduce him Tuesday.